


didn't it hurt you too

by HazardousJack



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 11:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7799419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HazardousJack/pseuds/HazardousJack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>not every argument gets a resolution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	didn't it hurt you too

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. How've you been? Good, I hope. There's some strong language but the worst is only twice. I hope you enjoy. It's a bit angsty, because happy endings are overrated.  
> See you in a couple of minutes, I hope.  
> -Jack

Jim Kirk felt like shit. Nothing new, except this time he was in Starfleet Academy. Top of his class, even, but he couldn’t take some things. Normally, he would hide his emotions during the yearly Tarsus IV lesson. This time he couldn’t. It must’ve looked pathetic. The brash, confident James Kirk hurriedly leaving the room in near tears. His best friend running after him. Jim didn’t deserve to have Bones be worried over him.  
“Jim?” Dammit.  
“Whad’d’ya want? Just go back to class,” Jim snapped. Hurt flashed across his friend’s face.  
“And why, exactly, would I do that?” Bones challenged. The hurt that was there just moments ago was covered with anger and a bit of a smirk.  
“Because if you miss another class your grade will plummet, making it lower than it was before,” Jim argued. The hurt was there again. It pained Jim to cause that.  
“I don’t care about my grades. This is an optional course for me. If I want to I can retake it,” the older man said. “I want you to take a guess on why I followed you out.”  
“To mock me, to get out of class? To make it seem like you actually care about me? I don’t know!? Why would anyone!?” Jim wasn’t holding anything back. He was sad and angry and not hiding it any longer. Bones barely flinched. But little minute things changed. Uh oh. He was a better fighter than the doctor, but he was a whole lot stronger than the scrawny little Jim. He recoiled from instinct. Bones didn’t do anything.  
“Oh Jimmy…” He sighed. “Jim… Do you really think I don’t care about you?”  
“Nobody does. My mom doesn’t love me, Sam blamed me, Kodos hated me,” Jim laughed. It wasn’t a real laugh.  
“You… I…” Bones stuttered. Oh Jim… Why didn’t you tell me?” Bones looked like he was about to cry. “I could’ve done something! If nothing I could’ve written a note that said you were dying and couldn’t make it! Why didn’t you tell me? You don’t have to suffer alone. You shouldn’t have to suffer at all!” He looked angry now.  
“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have even signed up for this goddamn academy, I should’ve just accepted my death on Tarsus! It’d make it so much easier for you, wouldn’t it!”  
“Jim. James. Listen to me. Why do you think nobody cares? If anybody cares, I do. You’re my best friend! You’re one of my only friends I’ve ever had. You didn’t let me drink myself to death, and I’m not going to let you do the same to yourself,” Bones said. It was harsh and snappy.  
“I’m sorry!” Jim yelled. He leaned back against the wall. “Why can’t you just leave me alone!?” Footsteps headed away from him.  
“Lights, twenty percent.” The door slammed behind him. Yet again, another major fuck-up by Jim Kirk. His comm made a sudden noise.  
“I’m sorry- LHM”  
“This is what you wanted, right? I hope so.-LHM”  
“I can’t help if you don’t let me.-LHM”  
“Don’t worry about me, kid. I can take care of myself.-LHM”  
“See you around, I guess. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.” He didn’t sign the last one. Jim cried. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t see Bones around. He was never in class, never at the bar. Maybe he braved a shuttle trip away. Jim was constantly checking his comm. It was never different. A couple of flirty messages from Gaila, a message from Pike asking if he was doing okay.  
“Why wouldn’t I be fine?”  
“You’ve been acting weird lately. Hopeless. Even more hopeless than before. You’re constantly checking your comm, yet never answering any messages,” Pike answered in a matter-of-fact manner that made Jim want to punch him. “Did your girlfriend leave you?”  
“No. I’ve got to go study, see you,” Jim said quickly.  
“With that doctor guy? He’s pretty punctual, so I guess you have oughta go then, son,” Pike said before ushering him off with a small smile and a wave.  
“Sure.”  
Jim walked into the library. He heard laughter coming from the corner. Jim couldn’t resist going to see what it was. He regretted it immediately. Bones was standing there laughing with the librarian about something or other. Before he could run away, Bones turned to leave and accidentally made eye contact with Jim. His light face hardened into a glare. Jim quickly looked away and tried to look like he was just studying or something. He waited for a few minutes, just staring at the open page of his textbook. Despite his best interest, he pulled out his communicator.  
“Hello-JTK” He regretted it instantly. He held his head in his hands. Why was he so stupid!?  
Leonard McCoy has disconnected. Jim picked up his books and ran out the door. Maybe he could catch up? He checked the time. His shift at medical would start soon. That’s probably where he was.  
Jim was right. When Jim arrived, Bones was just checking in for his shift. The sight of him made him lose all confidence. No matter. He came all this way, he couldn’t stop now.  
“Jim?” Bones asked.  
“Yes, doctor?”  
“Why are you here? Unless you’re hurt, you need to get out. You look fine. Leave.” Bones pointed to the door.  
“No. I’m not leaving. You left and I’m not leaving till I know why.”  
“That’s what you wanted. You told me to leave you alone and that’s exactly what I did. There’s nothing I could’ve done. Get out,” Bones growled. Jim glared.  
“I’m sorry. I wouldn’t want to be around me either. I’ve been awful, and I guess this is just what happens,” Jim sighed.  
“Stop being so dramatic. You aren’t awful, it’s just that our personalities oppose. It was inevitable, and that’s just when it happened.” Bones was exerting an air of confidence and calm. “Grow up. Would you rather it rather just blow over like nothing happened?”  
“Why did you give up so easily?”  
“You asked me to. I listened. Unlike you, I’ve come to terms with that a relationship can’t find where it was always destined to be without cooperation on both sides.”  
“No. You always put up a fight. You challenge all my ideas,” Jim said, exasperated.  
“I tried. What can’t you see, goddamnit!? There was nothing I could’ve done!” The calmness he was showing earlier was completely gone. “Fuck…”  
“I knew you didn’t care. I guess I was right all along!” Jim laughed. A malicious laugh.  
“Well, I used to. I used to care quite a lot. If nobody else did, I still did. But now, I don’t. You’ve lost that,” Bones said with half a sigh. Jim felt tears stinging the back of his eyes.  
“Could I make you care again?” Jim asked. He was as startled as Bones with the sudden proclamation. They stood there like that for a while. “Well, if you change your mind, talk to me?” Jim tried to stifle his sob. Keyword: tried. He left in tears.  
Bones never did talk to him.

**Author's Note:**

> That about sums it up, I think. Thanks for reading. What a haul, yeah? It's terribly short, and I sincerely apologize, but the creative process or whatever. (Does that apply to shitty star trek fanfiction though?) I hope you liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Like, comment and subscribe. I have no idea how this website works.  
> I love you very very much, godspeed.  
> -Jack


End file.
